If you think about it, baristas are the real MVPs. While most of us can’t find it in ourselves to muster a smile on a Monday morning, they’re wishing every single cranky one of us a great day ahead.
And when our afternoons get overwhelmingly stressful, we depend on them to whip us up the perfect cup of coffee that’ll get us through the rest of the day without having a meltdown. Basically, baristas make the world go round.
But just because they’re the most upbeat, positive people ever doesn’t mean they don’t have their own observations of us. Here are 11 types of customers according to Manila baristas! Which one are you?
1. The one who takes forever to decide on an order
Barista: “Hi, what would you like to order?”
You: *blank stare* “Uhmm…wait lang ah…”
These customers spend all their time in line thinking about everything else BUT what they want to get. They’ve planned out their day, thought about Kim and Kanye’s next baby’s name, and even figured out the meaning of life… but when it’s their turn to order, they’ve got nothin’. Your barista is probably eye rolling you so hard on the inside.
2. The one with the weird name
Barista: “Can I have your name, please?”
You to yourself: Nope. This is not going to end well…
They’re the ones who absolutely hate giving out their name in a coffee shop because 1) they WILL be asked to repeat it and 2) it WILL be spelled wrong anyway. But you can’t blame the barista for botching it up because names like Graciel, Juniper, Ainjyl, Cydrinne, and Darleth aren’t exactly…common. The Filipino’s creativity for name-giving comes at a price!
3. The one who NEEDS to have the Wi-Fi password
You: “Excuse me, can I have the Wi-Fi password?”
Barista: “Sorry, nasira po Wi-Fi namin eh.”
You: *flips table*
They’re the ones who lose their sh*t when they’re not connected to the interwebs for more than 5 minutes (because they’ve got super important things to do like update their Facebook status and upload their latte art on Insta). To them, hearing that there’s no coffee in a coffee shop is better news than being told the Wi-Fi is down. #humanlogic
4. The cheapskate
You: “Can I have some water? With ice.”
Barista: “Would you like anything else with that?”
They’re the ones who order a Venti frappuccino to share with a friend. Or the ones who nurse one drink for the ENTIRE day just because it gives them a reason to keep on enjoying the free air conditioning. Here’s a friendly reminder from the baristas: if you’re going to make the coffee shop some sort of a camping spot, at least order up another drink. Or a cookie. Please?
5. The flirt
Barista: “Can I get your name for the cup?”
You: “Can I give you my number instead?” *wink wink*
They’re the ones who aren’t shy to make eye contact from all the way across the coffee shop to let the pretty barista at the counter know they’re interested. They’re the also the ones who have a number of icebreakers up their sleeve, ready to shamelessly whip them out if they think they’ve got an actual chance with said barista. They can come off either as cute… or really creepy.
6. The one who’s always in a rush
Barista: “Good morning! What w–“
You: “One triple grande nonfat decaf iced latte. And could you hurry? I have a BIG meeting I can’t miss.”
They’re the ones who zoom into the coffee shop and are just as eager to get out. For them, it’s all about business with absolutely zero time for pleasantries with the barista, or with anyone else for that matter. They’ve got a million and one things to do and they’re not about to let you get in the way!
7. The coffee noob
“Paki-explain, ano ba ang difference ng skim at nonfat milk?”
They’re the ones who have no idea that skim and nonfat milk are the exact same thing. They’re also the ones who think that they can order a HOT caramel frappuccino. Baristas are all about helping out newbie customers but sometimes they can’t help but think “Awww honey, which rock have you been hiding under all this time?”
8. The coffee snob
“Pre-ground coffee?! Eww. Also, did you know that fresh roasted coffee beans should be rested for at least 2 to 3 days?”
They’re the ones who school baristas because they just know EVERYTHING about coffee. They throw an internal fit when asked if they’d like some milk in their brewed coffee and they secretly judge those who put sugar in their cups. They also think frappuccinos shouldn’t even be on the menu at all because “You can barely even call those things coffee!!!”
9. The trendy one
“I’ll have a trenta Ariana Grande Frappuccino, please!” *proceeds to Instagram their totally cool and unique drink with a #SecretStarbucksMenu hashtag*
They’re the ones who order up a different secret recipe every time because the regular menu just isn’t hipster enough. With the Secret Menu for Starbucks app downloaded on their phone, they’ve got it all planned out. Up next is Harry Potter’s Pumpkin Juice and then the Caramel Macchiato Frappuccino (ano raw?!) Take note: they’ve memorized the secret sizes too!
10. The feeling close
You: “Uy, parang tumataba ka! Let’s go to the gym together! What’s your schedule for the week?”
Barista to himself: Close tayo?!
They’re the ones who tend to ask nosy questions or make observations that are way too upfront. But sometimes, they’re not intentionally prying into the personal lives of their barista. They’re just naturally very open when it comes to their own lives. One minute they’re ordering coffee and the next thing you know, they’re telling you about their grandma’s hip replacement!
11. The ideal customer
You don’t have to be Alden Richards or Jessy Mendiola to fall under this category (although it wouldn’t hurt either!) When asked to describe what their ideal customer is, Manila baristas had more or less the same thing in mind: 1) Someone who is friendly and easy to talk to but knows their boundaries and 2) Someone who treats them as professionals and respects their craft. Take note, all you coffee-loving citizens!