Now that Guardians of the Galaxy and *gasp* She’s Dating The Gangster are making their rounds in theaters, we thought it’d be the perfect time for another segment of everyone’s favorite pakialamero pastime, people-watching!
This time around, we’ll cover the 10 types of people you’ll find at movie theaters in Manila!
1. The Narrators
These are the people who basically end up narrating everything they see on-screen. It’s funny at first, but then it gets annoying when you have to sit through 2 hours of it in a small cinema like the ones you’ll find at Podium.
“OMG he’s got a gun!”
“AY! May kalaban sa likod!”
O Rly? Yes. We know. We’re watching the same thing.
While some people have a high tolerance for Narrators, very few have the same patience when it comes to spoilers. Commentary is fine to some extent but when people start dropping spoilers on what’s about to happen, that’s when things get nasty. If you’ve read the book or it’s your second time watching the movie, here’s a large Coke. Shut the full cup.
2. The Andaming Tanong
Somehow related to the above-mentioned Narrators, the Andaming Tanong is the person who for a good 2 hours, asks question after question about the movie. He manages to somehow miss enough of the movie to the point of having to ask the person next to him, “what happened?” or “ano daw??” or “what’s going to happen???” around 4,172 times. Subtitles please!
3. Tropang Texters
No, not the PBA team. We mean the group of people who can’t seem to put their cellphones down while in the theater. Not that checking on your phone during a movie is bad or anything, but it does get pretty distracting when you’ve got your brightness cranked up all the way.
It’s even worse when the texters start taking calls — ever had a horror movie’s edge-of-your-seat ending ruined because someone’s phone starts blasting the Star Wars Imperial March Theme ringtone?
4. The (Return of the) PDA Couple
You see them at coffee shops, but that isn’t the only place you’ll find the super awkward overly-affectionate couple. Movie dates are common, and we’re not saying the occasional peck on the cheek, shoulder lean, or hand-holding is bad, but if you paid for a movie just to suck on each other’s faces in a dark place, there are other places for that. This is especially relevant when the next people on our list are present…
5. The Family with the Loud Kids
Movies make for great family bonding activities. A lot of people’s fondest childhood memories probably include having their parents take them to see Finding Nemo or High School Musical 3 on the big screen. We know it can’t be helped when a 10-year old starts gushing loudly over Zac Efron, but when you take a toddler to see the latest exorcism flick, it’s no one else’s fault when the audience starts shush-ing you because your kid starts whining and complaining.
6. The Taekwando Jins
Unless you’re cozied up in one of the SM Director’s Club cinemas’ La-Z boy chairs, you’ve probably experienced sitting in front of one of these guys. The Taekwando Jins are the people who end up kicking your chair over and over and OVER again like they were training for a martial arts tournament the next day.
Sometimes we wonder what’s worse, having someone kicking your chair, or hearing the <sarcasm>soothing</sarcasm> serenade of snores from…
7. The People Who Pay to Sleep in the Theater
Catching a movie these days ain’t cheap. With people shelling out anything from ₱200 – ₱500 for a movie, it’s a shame that some of them end up sleeping through the entire thing. Sometimes they blame the cold A/C, or even the movie itself being boring. Heck, maybe it’s just that they’re watching a film with Kristen Stewart in it. Just kidding, Twilight fans!
8. The Stinky Snacker
These are the people who think that a movie theater is an extension of their living room, where no one else would mind you having a large bean burrito stinking up the place. It’s cool, they’re hungry, we get it. It’d be nice though, if these guys would try to avoid the Mexican, and at least cover their mouths when they burp.
9. The Tiny Bladder
These guys are famous. You see them all the time… in cam-recorded pirated videos sold on the street or downloaded off the black-market interwebz. That outline of a dude standing up from the middle of the row and whispering “excuse me, sorry” on his way out? He probably belongs to this group!
It can’t be helped, some people are just born with tiny bladders. Scoot over and let them pass, holding in your pee is no easy task, not to mention the fact that there’s a 93.2% chance they’ll miss 3 minutes (five, if you’re at places like Rockwell or Eastwood, where the bathrooms are outside the theaters) of the movie’s most crucial plot twist.
10. The Squealers
John Lloyd Cruz movies are unofficial gatherings of this particular group of theater-goers. Predominantly female (though this is up for debate), the Squealers have mastered the art of simultaneously calling out “Ayyyy!!! Ang gwappooooo!” or “Kiliiiiiiig!” as if it were rehearsed. It’s infectious, really, and sometimes you can’t help but swoon alongside the rest of them.
Which group would you say is most common at Manila theaters? Are you one of them? Are your friends? SHARE the post and tag them!